“If you can dream it, you can do it!”

Internet was down all afternoon and for most of the evening yesterday. Unbeknown to most people, I sleep with a laptop and a keyboard (because the former’s space bar is busted) instead of a warm human with an interesting appendage that begins with a letter ‘p’, which sucks in more ways than I can imagine. I can’t cuddle with it. I can’t hump it when I’m enjoying a happy dream, if you know what I mean. I can’t even use it to prop up a leg and make dantay on it lest I crack its LCD because my leg alone weighs like 5 kilos. Sadly, sleeping with a computer would probably remain a cross to bear for 2 or 3 years more. ENIWEI. The first thing I usually do upon waking up (usually around 2pm) is to boot the thing and go online. I thought it was only my shitty ISP until I started receiving updates from Twitter friends, whining that their broadband connections were slow and crap. I could not connect AT ALL, people! While their concerns were probably business or work-related thus making them valid, mine was just to prevent internet withrawal symptoms from manifesting.

With the internet down, the next logical thing to do was to abuse the DVD player. I watched one of the multiple-titles-in-one bootleg DVDs I bought a few weeks ago. It has a great lineup, at least 6 titles I know were worth watching on the silver screen. I started off with Bourne Supremacy as a review prior to watching Ultimatum. I had been contemplating whether to wait and watch it in a cinema, or to cave in and watch the DVD. I caved in. Surprisingly, I got bored with Ultimatum. Blades of Glory came next. When I saw its trailer, I thought I wasn’t gonna like it at all. Boy, was I SO wrong. I have not laughed this hard in any Will Ferrell movie before. Actually, I have not seen ANY of his movies for more than 15 minutes. Why? I don’t know. I just didn’t like the guy, I guess. I’ve seen parts of Bewitched and Elf, and that’s about it. In Blades of Glory, he totally rocked my panties. Call me gross, but I thought he was kinda hot as Chazz Michael Michaels (Paano kasi parang kasing katawan niya si Poopie. Kelangan nang magwork-out!) LOL. However, Will Ferrell didn’t hold most of my attention. Rather, it was scrawny but graceful Jon Heder who hit me hard. The guy is lovely, but the movies he’s most known for (Napoleon Dynamite, The Benchwarmers) had him playing the biggest high school geek and a nose-picking, booger-eating newspaper boy. Basically, a retard, loser, dork. I still think he’s cute. Obviously, I have a HUGE thing for lovable dorks. Hee.

***

So, I still don’t have a job, and I’m still on this self-imposed house arrest. The only friend I’ve seen in 2 months is the Gay Best Friend Only Straight, and honestly it wasn’t because I exerted effort to do so. My girl friends had been texting me to meet them for ice cream, and to meet up and visit a friend who had just given birth — okay, lemme digress. Whenever I hear that one of my friends or someone I know who’s around my age or younger has become pregnant, my initial reaction to such common news is always surprise, if not shock. I don’t know why. No matter how prude, like, there-is-NO-way-she-could-have-seen-a-live-pulsating-cock prude to emphasize, fucked-in-all-holes-by-3-guys-simultaneously slutty (not that I have hos for friends), or plain nice the girl in question appears to be, my reaction is always the same, which is “HA??? SI **** NABUNTIS???” I mean, the girls have their ovaries, uteruses, fallopian tubes, vajayjays, and are apparently very fertile, and they had unprotected sex with equally healthy guys whose sperm counts are probably high enough to impregnate 5 million women and fill a small island country with their offsprings. So, why do procreation and pregnancy still sound like impossible ideas to me despite these facts? It’s so weird. But in the back of my mind, I think I already know the answer. End of digression. Now, where was I… oh, never mind. This paragraph, like the rest of my blog entries, never had a point to begin with.

***

3 drafts are sitting in my Wordpress dashboard, and by drafts, I mean titles and the respective categories the ghost entries are going to be filed under. I hope I’ll be able to publish all 3 before Doomsday Monday, because on, or after the said day, I might need to hang myself inside my closet (yes, my closet has a dimension big enough to accommodate a small guillotine, and there would still be room left for a body or two), and leave a note that says “I’m sorry, momma. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I’m cleaning out my closet. I said I’m sorry, momma.” I love M&M’s, and the mancandy from Michigan, too, because they’re both yummy. I need not mention that the OTHER mancandy from Michigan is the yummiest, but I will anyway. He IS.